Saw Dark Shadows last night. My scene is actually shorter in the film than in the trailer... I'm part of a montage! NoooooOoooOooooo!

Rod Serling says: You're moving into a land of both pizza and pasty, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Calzone.

The toilets here smell like the pool at Center Parcs... So that's good.

...And I didn't even know you could get knuckles as a sandwich filler.

Does anyone still use the expression "webmaster"? Or is it just Spiderman?

Hey, anyone wanna buy a house? I promise I'll mow the lawn first...

I do "colouring in on websites"

Being stalked by an ice cream van. It's not subtle.

There's a starfish waiting in the sky,
We'd like to go and meet him but he has poisonous spines.

RIP to the old Princess of Wales pub nr. Primrose Hill. It's been killed by a bad re-fit. Sad times...

Haha, Boris Johnson said he's got a man date! Hahaha!

A Yorkshireman with halitosis goes into a newsagents: He buy gum.