Captain Jack Sparrow = Tommy Cooper

I've been shaved twice today. No, on my face, guttermind. #POTC4

its amazing how many times I was asked yesterday "is that your own hair?" #POTC4

Once more into the breeches, dear friends, once more.

is less than one pixel high, even in HD. #POTC4

#POTC4 what in the name of Blue Beard am I doing up at this time?

Work has moved over to Gmail from Groupwise! Huzzah! By way of celebration, have some Top Tips for Gmail: http://ping.fm/OaEAd

learnt After Effects today. There's nothing like a looming deadline to inspire education.

#POTC4 scene delayed... start shooting Wednesday.

Monday AM: nervously looking up for falling pianos.

it's not a rape alarm as much as it is an hourly notification.

Sunday AM. wind me up.and point me at the party.

"let us drink beer and sing wrong poetry."

Don't know why. I'm an artist, I need no justification.

Mwahahahaha! http://ping.fm/Y6PiH

So apparently Facebook was down. Is it wrong that I only found out this morning through Twitter?

Free grog - today only: http://ping.fm/7bb2r

Dot. Miniature stop-motion animation shot on a mobile phone... http://ping.fm/ZSk0Q

Skanky McSkankerson

is feeling more civilised than a handkerchief, despite falling asleep during a replaying of the pope's visit...

http://ping.fm/xW12i One Love: The Music Painter and The Laurel Collective

At the risk of sounding... well, like me - check this out: http://ping.fm/RfEm9

when I'm kidding myself, I sing like Fyfe Dangerfield. The rest of the time, its a bit more Albert Steptoe.

off to see Fyfe Dangerfield this eve at Shepherds Bush.

finally caught up in the weekend's internet traffic. Wait, is Internet Trafficking illegal too?

Ok, why did no one mention to me that y'day was International Talk Like a Pirate Day? Sad it didn't coincide with the POTC4 shoot too. Garr!

eating a Thai green curry in 'The Cock' - tastes exactly like microwave.

is like Superman, only backwards: I save people by not taking off any clothes.

Fashion week

which old witch?

Despite the assurances of my mother to my younger self, you can in fact have sage and onion Paxo for breakfast.

"There's an easy way to tell if your house is haunted. It's not."

Psst! Internet! Are you asleep?

is going to see 8 out of 10 cats at the BBC this evening. No, I don't know where the other two are.

If we're all supposedly equal in god's eyes, then what's so special about the Pope?

is a Cylon.

Who would you rather be: The Beatles or the Rolling Stones?

doesn't get what all the fuss about the Pope is about. When was the last time he even released a decent record?

Fact of the day: The drawings of early cave-dwelling man are collectively known as 'The Trogosphere'

locked himself out of his flat this morning. Starting to wonder if half the homeless on the streets of London just got locked out...

god...Damn! These electric sex pants.

wat iz internets? iz how to catch fishes, yes?

they're actually playing b*witched in lloyds bar in Camden!

this place is dead anyway...

I love birthdays...

Interesting racial profile analysis from OkCupid. Especially for reading age vs. faith: http://ping.fm/NmuFg

we all accept the reality with which we are presented. Thus, the Matrix could easily have been in 8-bit.

Even free Shredded Wheat tastes like cardboard. I thought free tasted good?

if it's not all in your mind, where is it?

One day I really will be the Last Man On Earth, then you females will be sorry!

OK pop-pickers! Place your bets for 2night's @mercuryprize - a run down of albums & a playlist for your ears http://ping.fm/xXKtA

actually can't move for all the cyclists and pedestrians this morning. where are these lazy humans normally? #tubestrike

how will the tube strike affect you today? *smug face*

Discovered the paraphernalia related to DIY tattooing in the cave gardens... What better place to inscribe "I <3 unicorns" on your arm?

Mac: Now available with Windows. Mwahahahaha!

is dreading the onset of what the ladies call 'manflu', but which I secretly believe is a chronic case of the mansniffles.

would like to back here please. Ta.

is not quite ready to return to his life just yet. Can I get an extension please?